Is your first year of marriage hard?
Some say it is. Others say it’s not. And some are in the middle. I think it’s totally up to the couple!
Why do you think people say the first year of marriage is hard?
It’s because you are getting to know someone on a whole different level than before. You are now living with this person and learning all their little habits. Some can be endearing, and others… annoying. Haha!
No matter your relationship, it will change. Change isn’t always a bad thing, either! This first year is full of changes, adjustments, and figuring out your new relationship dynamic, which can be challenging.
It can be challenging for many different reasons for different people. You may be approaching this having been in this relationship for quite some time and others a small amount of time.
New routines, new rhythms, new roles, new structure, new environment, and so on! I’d say the first year is crucial in a marriage. This is where you set the first tone of your marriage. Where you talk about house chores, boundaries, family, (whatever pertains to you as a couple) etc. It’s also tricky for some because you are coming off of the stress of planning a wedding. (If you had one.) No matter what, it is still a big transition.
Just because it’s a big transition doesn’t mean it can’t be easy. The change for us was smooth. We wanted and expected it. We were both on our own prior to being together. We both lived through quite a bit of obstacles before our relationship. Both of us going through so much separately helped when the time came for us to go through something together.
My husband and I’s first year of marriage differed from most people’s. After we got engaged and one hospital trip later, my husband found out he would need surgery soon since he had broken his back. Then, we changed our wedding date a couple of times😅 and moved it up.
So, our first year consisted of several hospital trips and doctor visits. He had major back surgery three times, one of those being an emergency. The challenges we faced as newlyweds were hospital trips, doctor appointments, taking time off work, and physically having to help my husband with everyday tasks. I will say this sped up some moments that could have been awkward.
I understand that not everyone goes through these moments, especially not in their first year of marriage. I do think it helped strengthen our relationship and marriage. We learned very early on what is most important. We learned communication more deeply as well.
We learned some of these on a surface level before marriage, just through getting to know each other in our relationship. Like I said before, we talked about anything and everything before we decided to get married. So these weren’t big surprises that came up in conversation.
Marriage is work. It can be hard work. It can come more naturally to others, but it is something you have to strive to work at at all times. You need to continue to pursue your spouse. Continue to date your spouse. Think more about what would help them or what they would appreciate rather than what you want most. You won’t be let down if each of you is striving to help the other.
Marriage is the starting line, not the finish line.
Even with everything that happened, I wouldn’t say our first year was hard! In sickness and in health was straight away for us, but I am thankful for the challenges we faced and the love that grew for each other.
So, you may have or may have had a more difficult first year of marriage, but that doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. Try to do at least one nice thing for your spouse a week! If you asked them to do something for what feels like a billion times and they finally do it, still thank them. Rather than telling them, “Yeah, I asked you to do that a million times already.” Try it out and see the difference this makes in your marriage!
All in all, the first year of marriage can be hard, but take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Be thankful for your partner, and always keep communication open!
So, what do you think? Is the first year of marriage hard?
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